Mission 1: Arrival (Video)

[hellspawnedhero]

*There's a pair of icy blue eyes on the screen, with a subtle warmth behind them that's at odds with the cold color. They belong to a young but scruffy looking face topped by white hair and bearing an expression somewhere between irritated and unimpressed. From the background, he still seems to be outside.*

Okay, first off, I've got a couple of questions, so why don't we humor the new guy for a while. Let's start off with the big stuff: where can a guy get a slice of pizza, a decent sundae and some booze around here? I just spent all day running around and it feels like I could eat a Gigapede if that wasn't the most disgusting idea I've ever heard.

Which actually brings me to the second question. I spent all day running around without food and was perfectly fine until I came here, aside from some serious cravings for cheese and tomato sauce. You see, I ain't exactly what you would call entirely normal, that's why I'm so good at what I do. So who's shit idea was it to bring me here, ask me to save the world and then add on 'by the way, you can't use any of the awesome and badass powers that usually help you get the job done'?

Actually, you know what, make that three questions. On the topic of saving the world, who's ass to I have to kick this time? Interdimensional gates don't normally screw with themselves when they're supposed to be closed, so I'm pretty sure someone's gotta be on a power trip. Though points for scale. Don't think I've ever heard of someone involving more than just the human world and the demon world in their evil schemes. ...Then again, until now, I didn't know there was anything other than the human world and the demon world. Guess they're right, you do learn something new every day.

Comments

[hellspawnedhero]

I'll stop callin' him a toy when he stops lookin' like one.

What about kid?

...We'll see.

[heartdive]

Better than nothing I guess...

[hellspawnedhero]

Would you prefer kiddo?

[heartdive]

I dunno about Coronamon, but I kinda prefer my name.

[hellspawnedhero]

Consider it a nickname. It's better than half of the things I get called.

[heartdive]

What would people call you other than Dante?

[hellspawnedhero]

Lessee...asshole, fool, moron, pain in the ass...unless they don't know me personally, then it's usually just Son of Sparda.

...You don't know a lot of polite people, do you?

[heartdive]

...I was gonna say that.

[hellspawnedhero]

*Shrug.*

I seem to attract the pissy sort. Guess that's what happens when you hang out in demon hunting circles.

[heartdive]

I... Wouldn't know.

[hellspawnedhero]

Heh. They're not that bad, really. Even if I sometimes wonder what crawled up Lady's ass and took a piss.

That is a visual I could have done without.

[heartdive]

[ just...stunned silence. ]

[hellspawnedhero]

It's called figurative language, kid. And I guess she's not that bad, except when my paycheck's involved.

[heartdive]

[ still stunned silence. Dante... Dante why. ]

[hellspawnedhero]

*Because he has no filter when talking to people over thirteen?*

You okay there, kid?

[heartdive]

H-huh!? Oh... Yeah! Just fine.

[hellspawnedhero]

You sure? You look like you just found a bug in your cereal.

[heartdive]

Just haven't heard anyone talk like that before.

[hellspawnedhero]

Guessin' you don't watch much TV, then.

[heartdive]

Not really. I mean I did, but I live on an island. Usually we're all outside all the time.

[hellspawnedhero]

Then consider this a warning about the kinds of language you might end up hearing.

[heartdive]

I'll feel like I'll have to scrub my ears daily.

[hellspawnedhero]

*Sigh.*

Don't normally bother watching my mouth around teenagers, but I guess you're still pretty innocent.

[heartdive]

Not that innocent.

[hellspawnedhero]

Kid, if you can't handle language like that, you're pretty darn innocent.