themainframe | Tenth Goal - File Not Found. [Video/potential Action later.]

[Early in the morning, the feed clicks on, automatically. On it, is Cam, standing on the edge of a walkway, looking extremely distressed. He waits. He looks down, he steels himself...and he pulls back, quickly looking down as someone walks beneath it, completely unaware of his presence.

Again, he steals himself. Again, he prepares. He closes his eyes and pitches forward, landing hard on his left arm with a sickening crack. He wheezes in pain and tries to get his bearings. Someone rushes up to him, a young woman, a teacher--] "What happened? Is it your arm?" [He nods.] "I'll go get help." [She leaves, footsteps echoing. As she leaves, through his pain, Cam smiles.

Brief static. It picks up, in a hospital, with Cam, an older boy, and Maya, who some might recognize. Static flits through the conversation, until--] I'm not some loser who tries to hurt himself.

[The feed cuts.]

[ooc: The actual video can be reached by clicking the link in the cut, hitting "continue as free user," and jumping to 17:57 on the timestamp. It ends at 18:55. Warning for what you'd see, it's a kid intentionally falling from a high place to break his own arm. Short, not graphic, but unsettling to say the least. After the static, it picks up again at 20:48 and ends at 21:13 or so. The first scene is, under the cut, briefly detailed. The second is not as it has more dialogue, so it needs to be watched, and it is brief discussion of the previous injury with internalized ableism.

Last but not least Cam may or may not respond to people! This post can be used for action if they try to find him, hint he might be in his room.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Ratchet makes a shooing motion with his hand, and Bearmon leaves them alone, closing the door behind him. (He's probably waiting diligently outside. Possibly listening in.)]

I'm not. [Sorry, that is.] It...sheds a bit of light on your situation. Why you were so upset about the idea of things not changing at home while you're here. I'm not going to claim I understand or that I know anything about you. And I'm not going to demand you tell me anything, especially if it makes you uncomfortable.

[Cam practically winces, remembering his reaction to Donnie returning. Jeez, he really screwed that one up, didn't he? He takes a big breath, to try and keep himself composed.]

I-I, I'm getting, help, for it, there's a woman here, a...psychiatrist, you, uh...know about those, right...? She gave me...pills, they're supposed to help me...be fine.

[His voice sort of trails at the end. Yeah, "fine" doesn't mean anything if he's just going to go back home and he'll still be dead.]

Sit. [It's a gentle command, but a command nevertheless, with a nod at his bed.]

Getting help is a good step. Having people that care is another. I may not be a psychiatrist myself, but even I can clearly tell that those are better than nothing at all. I've seen what happens to those that suffer in silence.

[It's not pretty. He sighs and leans back in his chair, staring at the ceiling for a handful of long moments.]

Would you like to tell me why you decided to throw yourself off a balcony and lie about how it happened?

[He sits down, and then he looks at the floor. It's not like he's talked much about all of this before, with Harley he was just starting, and with Maya she just sort of...got it, since she was there.]

B-back home, I... I was the...star hockey player in the Ice Hounds, junior hockey team of Toronto. My...family sent me there, so I could play. We lived really far away, hours and hours. I, I tried. So hard, to fit in, to feel...good, but even when I won games, I felt awful. The more I played, the worse I felt. B-but I couldn't go home. Everyone was...counting on me. And, it... I...

It was the only thing I could do. That's, what I thought.

[Not once has he looked up at Ratchet, and when he tries to explain it, it makes him sound more childish and stupid than he already knows he is. A loser who tries to hurt himself, and his fists clench, because he can't think that way, even if it is true.]

[That explains the one incident, but it doesn't explain the feeling. Ratchet doesn't mean to gloss over the details, but he doesn't have the right frame of reference to truly understand some of what Cam is saying. What he does understand is that there's something else going on deeper than just being far from home or playing games getting him down.

All he can think of is what would have happened if any of the children at the base had done what Cam did. Or had expressed those kind of feelings.]

You recognize that, in retrospect, that wasn't a healthy response, even if you felt so trapped at the time that it was all you could think to do.

[He's not a psychiatrist, but he's seen what happens to those who feel too trapped to do the rational thing. He's had to play one on the field before.

Ratchet moves to the bed, sinking down beside the kid. And he is a kid, just a kid. Ratchet is much more person-sized now, but Cam still looks so small.]

You're so young to be feeling that kind of trapped. Campbell, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, but I'm going to ask anyway. Have you done anything like that since you've been here?

[That wasn't a healthy response, well, yeah, he gets that now, he got that then in a way, but he didn't want to accept it, because he wasn't one of those people, after all, he wasn't that bad. At Ratchet's first comment, to this, he nods lightly, but he doesn't say anything, and he doesn't look up, not even when Ratchet sits down next to him.

Except. Except now, he does look up.] I haven't. I promise. [A moment.] I-I, I wanted to, really badly, but I, I...didn't.

Edited 2013-08-28 08:12 (UTC)

Good. Thank you.

[He's hesitant about it, but he places a hand on Cam's shoulder, strong and steady. It doesn't feel quite as strange anymore.]

I can't say I'm much of a babysitter, but back home, we have some...children on the base. I say children, what I mean is they look more around your age, but when you get to be my age [much, much longer than a human lifespan by far], well, everyone looks like a child. They arrived by accident, and we felt...responsible to them. And it was rocky, but they've become part of our family. If one of them had hurt themselves, if any of them had felt so awful and not told any of us--

[He looks away. For a moment, all he can see is Raf's tiny body lying on a slab. It hadn't been his fault, had really been nobody's fault, but it's a haunting image that he can't help bring to mind.]

I'm just glad you have someone here to help you.

[As Ratchet goes on, Cam nods along, understanding mostly. Physical touch is nice, still. You're not alone, it says, and he doesn't like that, to be alone, so this is good. It's really good.

Campbell's slowly amassing more people that care about him, whether he's hurt or not, and maybe it means...maybe it means he's worth it, being alive, maybe he was before, maybe he can still get his second chance.

That's what each little touch means.]

Thank you...I guess... I'm some kid, you barely know, but...thanks. For it meaning...something.

I've seen a good many people who were practically kids I barely knew make the sort of choices no one should feel the need to. You, though...I think as long as you take advantage of the people around you being around, you'll be just fine.

[At least, that's his hope. Hope's always been something in short supply, so clinging to what little there is can't hurt.]

And I hope Maya told you a few times that you're not a loser.

[Hope's what Cam tries to cling to nowadays too. Just hearing those words spoken out loud helps. That he'll be fine.]

Ah... Yeah. She has. A couple people have. [It's been enough of A Day that Cam tries a smile. ...It's really more like a cringe, but at least he realizes that and shakes his head with a small laugh.]

Good, because I'm telling you that, too. And I am certain we are going to keep telling you that as many times as you need.

[Ratchet shifts his arm so it rests across Cam's shoulders and pulls him in a bit. In an awkward sort of little half-hug.

Look, he's learning, all right?]

[You know what Cam likes? He likes hugs. Even if they're a little embarrassing sometimes. He hunches his shoulders a little, but this really does make him smile, because the kid really does need more hugs.

Even awkward half-hugs.]

Thanks... I-I'm real glad you're my roommate, Ratchet.

[He'd cry (again) but he doesn't have any tears left.]

You are? [Unexpected reaction is unexpected!] I'm, er...I'm glad you're glad. I'm glad to be your roommate. Er... [No, really, how does he respond to that?] ...Thank you.

...It's, uh...been a long day. I should probably get some sleep?

[He actually feels like sleeping, that's a new one.]

Tenth Goal - File Not Found. [Video/potential Action later.]

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