themainframe | [Video] Memory Leak

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[Video] Memory Leak

[ Roze laughs, rolling onto her back and hanging her head off the foot of her bed, holding the D-T up as she talks to Miwako, bare feet propped on Kotemon who is sleeping across her bed, snoring softly. ]

Oh my god, Shortcake, he's so friggin' ripped. I'm not even kidding. Hnn. And he's totally packing. I mean weapons of mass destruction. This guy belongs in a centerfold. Oh, man. I can't wait to fight him. I really, really can't wait. Its a shame he's sick and all but picking on him has been fun. You know how men turn into total babies when they get sick? Yeah he's not much different. But at least he listens pretty well. He should be better today or tomorrow. I was gonna challenge him, ut there's this mission thing coming up and I wanna make some money, plus I kinda hope he comes at me first. I don't like passive guys and I'm gonna be real disappointed when he turns out to be some limp-wristed--

[ The screen cuts Roze's conversation off and fills terminals all across the city, the private D-T chat turning into an open broadcast, picture changing to a livingroom in disarray with broken picture frames, a toppled three-shelf bookstand, a shattered tea cup. Roze stands tall and defiant in the middle of the room staring down another equally Amazonian woman. While Roze is dressed in current fashion with tight jeans, a black tank-top and a loose tee over it, the other woman is clothed in a more traditionally inspired outfit - not quite a kimono, not quite a top and hakama, just something inbetween. A boy only Roze's age or younger stands nearby, dark eyes darting nervously between the two women. Roze, Roze's mom, and Roze's dad. ]

This is BULLSHIT! [ Roze shouts, her voice hoarse, likely having already been screaming for some time. ]

Don't talk to your mother like that!

You shut up. You shut right the fuck up. You don't get to tell me what to do. You don't get to speak to me. Don't even look at me.

That's your father you're talking to!

Oh piss off, mom! I can't believe you went along with this! I can't believe you fuckin' lied to me this whole time!

What were we supposed to tell you, Roze? How were we supposed to tell you? You were children together! You grew up together!

It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter how difficult it was for you or whether or not I would have understood! You should have told me instead of lying about it! Or you shouldn't have come back at all!

ROZE!

No. No Sakura, she's right. I shouldn't have kept it from her. At least not for as long as we did. She had a right to know--

You're damned right I did! You son of a bitch, you've just sat there manipulating my whole life! You've moved everything around like pieces on a goddamned board game, you bastard!

Roze, you have to believe me, it was for your own good! We thought we were doing what was best for you!

The hell you were! You were doing what was best for you! Crowbarring me into this fuckin' position I never wanted to be in in the first place!

[ Roze screamed, hands going to the sides of her head in frustration before she whirled around and kicked the living room table. The wood splintered, a dark crack racing across the lacquered surface. More importantly the skin on Roze's bare foot was split and bleeding, the trickle pooling crimson on the hardwood floor. She stared down at the cut, shoulders rising and falling with great breaths of barely contained rage. Silence stretched between the three for a long time, her father shifting his weight uncomfortably, her mother scowling angrily. Eventually she uttered a bitter laugh that was barely more than a cough. ]

So what. So I don't even get a choice?

[ Her mother laughed nastily in reply, propping a fist on her hip. ]

Don't act like you didn't know. You're being disgustingly childish, petty and selfish right now. You've known your whole life that this is what you were training for. What was expected of you. What makes you think you're any better or more important than your father or I? Hm? You ungrateful little bi--

SAKURA!

[ Roze's mother stiffens and turns, eyes wide with surprise as she looks at the boy who suddenly shouted, voice pained and authoritative. ]

She's right! This isn't fair. It never was. Your family always pressed for the children to follow their footsteps, but they should be allowed to choose, Sakura. And...how dare you...

What?

How dare you. How dare you ever insinuate that your daughter - our daughter - isn't more important than you, or I or the whole damned world?

She's jus--

Just nothing! You have a child, that child always comes before you! Before you or anyone else or any damned tradition!

That tradition is everything! Its what stands between the survival of humanity and the brink of war!

Should our children be responsible for it? Should our children have to suffer for what everyone else should be held accountable for? We're dooming her to a thankless life!

You're only saying any of this because you've spent so much time as a human child now. You've had the luxury of living with a family that doesn't know, that's completely ignorant of the real threat.

I'm saying this because its true.

Shut up. Just shut up, both of you. Don't pretend to suddenly care. You don't get to have a sudden change of heart. You've had seventeen fuckin' years to come clean about this, to change it and make it better.

[ Roze curses, lifting her foot to check the damage. Bruising. Broken toe, probably. Shaking her head, she flicks her hair to the side and glares hatefully at her parents. ]

You can't force me to do this. You don't get to tell me I have to do this.

Roze, think about what you're saying. You've got to listen--

NO! No I won't listen! You die and come back, spend my whole life following me around and pretending to be my friend instead of my father, you chase off everyone that ever wanted to get close to me, you purposely isolated me! And you two want me to listen? To see it from your perspective? SEE IT FROM MY FUCKING PERSPECTIVE! I want to live my life! I want to know people! I want to have friends!

You can have friends, Roz--

NO I CAN'T! I'm a freak in case you haven't noticed! I'm too human to be a demon, I'm too demon to be a human! My imaginary friends are real and every human kid I ever got close to either grew up and bullied me or tried to be more and got chased off my your fuckin' sleazy ass tricks! You stupid mother-fucker, you pretended! All this time you acted like we were so close and kept me thinking I would be better off with a guy like you than any of the others who "couldn't really understand me" and this whole fuckin' time you were my FATHER! You people are fuckin' mental! You're out of your minds if you think I would ever listen to another fuckin' word out of your fuckin' mouths!

[ She wheels around, padding across the floor and leaving wet red prints as she grabs her katana, her coat and heads for her shoes. ]

Where do you think you're going?

Anywhere but here.

I don't think so. We're not through here.

Oh, yes we are. We are so done here.

Sakura, let her go.

Another six months and none of this matters anyways. You'll come to your senses and you'll be back.

You know what...

[ Roze stops at the door, licking her lips and laughing softly as she zips up her boots and looks over shoulder. ]

You better hope I don't. You best hope that I don't come home, that I don't become a Guardian, because you know what? I'm better than both of you. You're older and slower, and you're diminished and weaker. And I hate your precious humans.

Roze...

I hate them. I hate them so much it makes me sick. All those years you told me to just let them push me around, just let them shove me down and kick me. You yelled at me for defending myself or fighting back. All those years you made me behave like a cringing dog around these fucking ingrates, and now you tell me I'm supposed to protect them? I'm supposed to take care of them? You're out of your fuckin' minds. I will never stand up for people who disrespected and shit on me my whole life. I will never accept that I have to lead a life of lies and secrets just because of some bullshit traditions. If I come back, it won't be for them. It won't be for humanity. It'll be for the demons and everyone else.

[ She shoulders her weapon, pulling open the door and casting one more look full of loathing over her shoulder, adding a parting shot before slamming the door closed behind her. ]

Who stands up for the demons' rights?

=====================

[ The screen flickers briefly, the image of Roze's parents looking helplessly at each other before breaking out into an argument being replaced with Roze's staring face, white as a sheet. Lips puckered in an "o" and greens eyes wide, she looks left, right, then down before clearing her throat. ]

Ah...well...that...was...uh....*sniff*...That was...

Awkward?

[ She looks to her side where Kotemon sat, woken up by all the shouting on the terminal. ]

Oh God...

[ She groans, dropping her face into her bedding and screaming into the mattress. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, you saw how my parents can be. As for everyone else out there, try being the only kind with pink hair. Try being 6'0" tall when the average is 5'0". Or being a girl only interested in boy things for years in a country that has a pretty solid and strict idea of what a girl should behave like.

I mean, I love my country, don't get me wrong. but its the most....repressed place, sometimes. And I'm not like that, y'know? I can't just lay there and pretend to be okay with everything. And I sure as hell can't accept people telling me who I should be, and who I can't be.

People seriously concern themselves with what is "boy stuff" and what is "girl stuff"? That's ridiculous. It's just stuff. It's not even stuff that they will end up keeping in the long run.

[ He shifts around a little and leans back against the wall. He sighs a little and stares off to the side. The next part he whispers to himself.]

Must be why.. you and him seem more free though.

Edited 2013-09-04 02:38 (UTC)

[ she leaned in, tilting her ear towards the speakers but couldn't be quite sure what she heard. She opened her mouth to ask, then frowned and second-guessed herself. Which of course made her angry at herself, because Roze never second-guesses any damned thing. ]

What are you talkin' about? Cross my heart I won't say a damned thing to anyone about it ever. Nothin' you say leaves this...uh...video...chat thing.

...It's nothing.

[ It's not like he's mad at her for asking or anything. He's just embarrassed that he said that out loud. He hates how much he's been thinking about things here. With no specific order or anything to follow he's at a complete loss and he's already had a few breakdowns since being here. it's so stupid. ]

For you, its gotta be something. You aren't the kinda person to just say something nonsensical or irrelevant. When your cup is full, stuff starts to spill over. If you don't want to make a mess, you gotta dump some of it out sometimes.

Look at it this way - I will never, ever betray the trust someone puts in me, even if its only a tiny fraction, when they tell em something they don't want others to know.

I'd die of shame, first.

I was just thinking out loud.

[ She shifts and leans back, pulling the D-T in close and whispering. ]

Sometimes quiet people need to be loud, too.

[ He goes silent for an even longer time, just staring and watching her actions. ]

You both are loud. Annoying. Crude. You explode at every little thing.... and yet.. It's like you're not bound by anything. You're free...

[ She smiles crookedly, blushing a bit at the minor dress-down but taking it in stride. he didn't seem like he was trying to be insulting, just venting. Venting was okay. ]

I don't know who you're talking about, and I can't speak for them, but I can say for myself that its not freedom you're witnessing - its a desperate fight to be free.

Usually the people with the loudest voices are some of the most fragile. Now...I'm not admittin' to anything, but I still cry. *small shrug* I still get hurt and I still feel trapped all the time. It tends to go that the people who seem the most free are like that because they just won't acknowledge how bound they really are.

Whenever I go home...I'm gonna turn eighteen. I'm gonna be a guardian and I'm gonna have to start picking sides and drawing lines I don't wanna draw. I'm not free...I'm just keeping my face turned towards the sun...so it kind of blinds me to everything else.

When I go back home nothing will change. I'll still follow orders. I'll still blindly follow those orders. I'll still be the same. You have choices to make. I'm just a solider bound to the life I was forced to take.

You can always say no, Squall. [ She used his na~me. ] You might not think you can, but you can. You're good-looking, and if you're worth your salt as a soldier, then you've got plenty of marketable talents. You could do something else and live another way, if you really wanted.

I don't really think you do, though. I think you like what you do...you're just coming to realize that you're doing it in a robotic way. You can put yourself into a role, or you can adapt the role to yourself. But regardless of that, you have to know who you are. You have to find yourself before you can control your life.

Probably part of what you see in others, that thing you're angry about? Its because you admire it. Its people who are true to themselves or what they believe themselves to be, regardless of the consequences.

You just have to find the you that you're satisfied with.

[ She trails off for a moment, pursing her lips and looking to the side before adding. ]

Start with your integrity. No matter the context, your integrity is really very admirable. You stick to something that gives you no joy because you've already committed to it. Someone with a weaker will couldn't do that.

[ he frowns more and stares off to the side. How can she sound so sure of herself? How can she act like she knows him down to a T? Even he doesn't know himself. All he has known in his life is Garden and the training they put him through. All he knows is to follow orders. How could he even go somewhere else? ]

Change the subject.

No, change is subjective. [ She corrects, shrugging slightly and tapping the screen. ]

Think about it. The whole time you're here, you have to adapt. That's change. Who you are here doesn't have to be anything like who you are where you come from. No one is watching you or judging you or expecting you to be a certain way. No one is going to penalize you for doing something different.

You should use the time here wisely. Learn about yourself, and when you go back, then you can decide if you have the strength to change for the better.

[ This was not at all what he meant when he said that, Roze. ]

Hn...

[ he shifts around again and holds the D-terminal in a different angle again. ]

[ She tilts her head, following the movement of the D-T before scooting back down into the bed and curling on her side once again. So many late night talks. Its been good though. ]

Well. I like you, Pretty Boy. even if you're a little mean sometimes. A little bitter and chilly. even winter has its good points. Snow is beautiful and the cold gives you a reason to get closer to people. Everything has a good point; some are just harder to find than others.

Fortunately yours isn't. You're a good and emotional person under that rough bark. Otherwise...you wouldn't care that what you do is so mechanical, and your perceived lack of freedom wouldn't trouble you.

An annoying girl with kind words... Use them on someone else. ( Use them on someone who deserves them. )

Nah. They're your words. They aren't meant for someone else.

Then push those words away.

Well, they're kind of words, Pretty Boy. You can't technically do anything physical with them. You can run away from them, you can hurt people with them, but they aren't anything physical or real, and really only other people let words have power over them.

Words are pretty powerless if no one is listening. And they're meaningless if no one feels anything. Words are...pretty funny that way. They are the weakest, most powerful weapons anyone has. And right now, I'm usin' 'em on you. And whether you like it or not, you want to hear 'em, or you wouldn't at all.

[ She sniffs and arches a brow, eyeing the screen sideways before shrugging one shoulder and breaking into a smile. ]

Its aright to be a good guy, kid.

Its also okay to not want other people to know.

Sometimes you have to act tougher than you feel. I respect that, and like I said, nothing leaves this little space between us right now. So don't worry about it. You can be mad or sad or whatever. I'm never gonna say anything, anyways. We can go on in public like you hate me, if you want. But I know the truth is you just don't know how to feel about anything, ever.

Eh, you'll figure it out someday. I just hope you let yourself do it while you've got people to fill all those spaces you're leaving behind while you gut yourself of anything of value.

Quit talking to me like I'm a child. I'm older than you. I'm not pathetic enough to be embarrassed that someone is talking to me. I just keep to myself. It's as simple as that. That's how it's always been.

Anger is a sign of denial. *brow waggle*

I'm not denying anything.

I really, really like you. You probably can't even understand why, can you? [ She shakes her head and sighs, tapping the screen lightly as she arches a brow. ]

Pretty Boy....just let yourself have friends here. Let yourself be like people you admire or envy. Give yourself a chance and give yourself time. If you don't like it, you can always about-face later. Moodswings aren't a magical phenomenon - everyone has them.

[ he gives her another annoyed look. ]

You say that like it's so easy. ( Just let myself have friends? Why would I want to? None of them will come home with me. I'll be back to square one. It's easier not being attached to anyone. I won't have to deal with them inevitably leaving in the end. I don't understand why all of you put yourselves through that. I did it once. I don't want to deal with it again. I don't want to feel that loneliness again...)

[ he glances away from the D-terminal again. Another big moodswing is coming up apparently. ]

You just met me, how can you "really really" like me?

Because I make my decisions and I don't questions myself.

Because I have confidence in my choices and try not to second guess them.

Because I have no good reason not to like you.

Because I will always be friends with someone that lets me, and won't betray that trust if they never betray me. You're a man of integrity, Pretty Boy. I don't believe you would deliberately be cruel or untrustworthy, so what's not to like?

Being surly isn't a good enough reason not to like someone. It just means you've got more work ahead of you. Not everyone is full of sunshine and rainbows, and if you're only looking for friends in fair weather, then you'll only find fair-weather friends. Sometimes a bit of a storm is important, too. You can't cultivate anything without a little rain.

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