themainframe | #1

Sooooooo letmegetthisstraight: this is some kinda alternate universe that sucks people in, turns 'em human, throws weird organic creatures at them and tells them they need to save the world or whatever, and I'm "chosen" to be one of those poor saps?

[The Wormmon around his shoulders wiggles a bit and makes a surprised noise.]

I-in a sense... You were listening!

Ehhh, sorta, most of the rest of what you said kinda went in one audial and out the other -- EAR! In one ear and out the other. Human anatomy is really weird. Anyway! [Quickly, back to the comm with a broad, dumb grin and a sigh from Wormmon, who squeaks in surprise when Misfire gestures to her. He doesn't notice.] What's up, losers? The name's Misfire, and this lil' thing here is my partner, Crummy.

C-Crummy?!

So I'm not supposin' the names Krok, Crankcase, or Spinister are ringing any bells for anyone out there? No? 'Cos I know for sure Krok will throw a fit if he finds out I've disappeared, and I'd rather not end up facing whatever corporal wrath he'll come up with -- although last time, he just took me off syphoning duty, which sucked but wasn't unbearable, y'know? Oh! But that's nothing compared to that one time --

Um, Misfire?

[Crummy's attempts to interrupt Misfire go unnoticed, and he continues babbling on happily. Crummy looks at the communicator with an apologetic look, and manages to hit "mute" without Misfire noticing. Enjoy the whole three minutes of Misfire just... talking, only with no audio.]

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[Click, Misfire's comm is unmuted, and he stops to take a breath just long enough to hear Ratchet. Also ow, he kind of does need to breathe now, doesn't he.]

Aw, but I like story-time! Helps to remind me not all of life's miserable.

[Hm, to tell him the awful truth about the muting or not...]

Easy there--Misfire, was it? Humans can't cycle air without breathing. There is...a lot to learn, unfortunately.

...You seem to be taking the whole thing rather well. Considering.

[With wheezing breaths:] Yeah, I'm -- starting to -- get that.

Y-you should have seen him before. When he first got here.

Won't lie, I can't say this isn't the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me, but! When you do what I do for a living, you learn to adapt.

[If this was video, there would be such eyebrow raising.] And what, may I ask, do you do for a living?

Baaaaaaaaaasically, wanderin' about planets lookin' for supplies with a bunch of other 'Cons who got separated from their little squads so that we can get back to Cybertron.

Sounds simple, but it can get really weird. Like siphoning Energon from Monstercons but you're running off fumes so you sample just a little bit but it turns out they were on circuit speeders when they died so everything gets all slooooooow.

[Wheeeeeeeezing breath. He's done now, honest.]

[Sorry, Misfire, all he can hear is bunch of other 'Cons. Be cool, Ratchet. Stay calm.]

If you're hoping to find other Decepticons around here, you might find yourself getting a particularly cold welcome.

[There's a loooooooooooooong silence. He just outed himself to an Autobot, didn't he? Frag.]

Ah. Duly noted.

...

Are there any, uh, Decepticons? Here? Just out of curiosity.

[It's a cold, cold voice on the other end now.] Not as far as I'm currently aware, but I am myself fairly new.

I would suggest you try making as little trouble as possible, Misfire.

Hey! I'm trouble-less. Cross my spark. War's over where I'm from we think, anyway, I'll go wherever the wind takes me.

[A nervous chuckle punctuates the sentence.]

Over? [Now there's a thought. Hold on, Misfire, the obvious question is coming.] ...Who won?

We were gonna try and find a way back to Cybertron to figure that out for ourselves. But, uh... we kinda came to a collective guess that...

It was the Autobots.

Sorry to interrupt, but are you going to explain what any of this means any time soon?

Something about a war. Right? Some big long war you came from? Because you and Arcee were talking about that, and maybe that's why you're here, because you have experience fighting.

I'm sure Misfire can fill his own partner in on the details.

Wha--but you haven't even filled me in!

Anyway, you guess it was the Autobots? You're not even sure? Then how do you know that the war is over to begin with?

I would certainly hope he can.

Huh? Yeah, I guess I could -- anyway. We know (and I kinda use that term loosely 'cause it could've been a prank) because we got a message. Every single one of us, all at the same time, just saying... what did it say again? Oh! "The fighting's stopped. Come home".

...Sounds nice. You must be from...a different time than I am. [Perhaps not that far. Or perhaps extremely far. Or even another universe, but that idea doesn't immediately cross Ratchet's mind.]

I'm not here to be your enemy, and you aren't here to be anyone's either. If we're all in this together, no matter what side, then we all have something to contribute.

Yeah, sounds like. So, uh... guess the defensive act isn't something I can really blame you for. But enough of awkward "sorry sorry" stuff!

Iiiiii can contribute a cheery attitude towards... most things. And also I'm great at parties! Seriously, I will drink anything.

Like circuit speeders. [You know, for example.] If anyone throws any parties, I'm sure you'll show up. [Not be invited. Just show up. He sounds more like a party crasher, but then, that might just be his attitude toward Cons showing.]

And he won't, because he's not a party person. That's okay, I'll try and fix that! It's a sloooow process.

Okay, I didn't know that Monstercon still had circuit speeders in his system when I --

Misfire.

...Ah, all right. I'll drop it. Good luck.

...I'm giving your little partner there a thumbs-up, by the way.

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