[audio]

[trimmedback]

[There's a slight pause at the beginning of the audio feed before a monotonous female voice starts talking.]

Identification: EarthConnect, Metals Department, Agent 06-02-F.

Seeking identification of currently assigned overseer. Reason for request: Chain of command is unknown to this agent.

Seeking assignment details. Reason for request: Mission parameters are unknown to this agent.

Seeking in-depth description of already preformed body modifications. Reason for Request: Self Care.

Seeking location. Reason for request: Surroundings unfamiliar, indigenous life appears sentient but is unfamiliar to this agent.

[There's a lengthy pause. The monotone doesn't break.]

Excuse me. If this network is human in nature, please disregard my previous requests. I would, however, like to ask for information on my situation.

Well, that was the weirdest introduction I've ever--

[The audio feed turns off.]

Comments

[revvinguptheharley]

BWAHAHAHAHA! Oh gosh! That's hilarious! How Sci Fi chic!

You get the info you were lookin' for toots?

[trimmedback]

[Sci... what.]

Requesting information: what is... Sci Fi chic?

Her name isn't toots, it's Bonsai!

Cease spreading that information immediately.

. . . No.

[revvinguptheharley]

Pffft, Bonsai? Like the tree?

That's just....that's fabulous! I love it. That's the sort of name you hear at a whole foods market somewhere near the gluten free tortillas. Bonsai stop touching that! Bonsai take your sister apple and go pick out some sugar free non-dairy candy

[trimmedback]

[Oh no, you insulted the name.]

Yes. Like the tree. A dear friend gave it to me to replace my serial number as she felt it was too formal.

Don't insult the name!

[revvinguptheharley]

Aw! That's so sweet~

Well at least your name has meaning. My mom named me like she was setting me up for a career as a super villain.

Start out as Harleen Quinzel, rework it about and I'm Harley Quinn. Nice to meet ya Bonbon!

[trimmedback]

[Bonsai blushes lightly. Nicknaming is serious business!]

Ah. It is... good to meet you, Miss Quinn.

[revvinguptheharley]

So, what's up? What's your deal? Where'd you come from? Got any mental or emotional issues you need help with?

[trimmedback]

[. . .]

No.

[That would imply she would have to be pruned from the gene pool.]

[revvinguptheharley]

Oh come ON! I asked like...four questions in there! You can't answer all of them with a single "no"!

[trimmedback]

'What is up' is a common human phrase to request information on the current on-goings in one's life. The answer is obvious, given the information provided in my original broadcast.

I am not currently engaged in any business dealings, as I am away from my place of work.

I am from the Reptilian home planet originally. Further information on my prior stations is classified.

Were I to be afflicted with any mental issues, I would have been removed from my position long ago. 'Emotional issues' are not applicable to my people.

[revvinguptheharley]

That's more like it!

Of course, I never imagined a reptile to sound like a robot...go figure.

You've gotta loosen up a little, all business voice and no play makes you a dull lizard.

[trimmedback]

Vocal emotion is a human trait. My current body does not indicate my emotional underpinnings.

[Also she just doesn't know how to express herself yet. Shhh.]

[revvinguptheharley]

Uh...I dunno if you missed the memo lady but, you are human now.

You ought to try some vocal emotion, it can be alot of fun. Like singing.

[trimmedback]

It does not come naturally to my people, and the foundation of emotion is that it is natural.

[Not always, dear.]

[revvinguptheharley]

Pfft, boy do YOU have alot to learn about emotions. There are plenty of unnatural emotions. In fact one of the most unnatural emotions is the most powerful. It can drive people to do unspeakable things, illogical things! It can make people change everything about who they are to their very core!

I'm speaking of course of love.

[trimmedback]

[A flush of color rises in Bonsai's cheeks. She knows that word.]

The friend who gave me my name has mentioned that emotional state. She claimed it was... quite important.

[revvinguptheharley]

Oh incredibly important! It may be one of the single most powerful emotions in existence. Mountains have been moved, massive leaps in science and magic have been created, entire civilizations rise and fall because of love!

[trimmedback]

[There's a moment of quiet before Bonsai nods.]

It is the attachment between parent and child, or between mated partners, if I recall correctly.

[revvinguptheharley]

It can be! Or it can be an affection between one person and another who doesn't feel the same way.

Or it can be an affection between siblings.

Or between a person and an item.

Or a person and an ideal.

Or several persons and each other!

Or a person and a concept!

Or a person and another feeling!

and plenty more.

[trimmedback]

[Oh god this is so many things.]

So... it's the attachment emotion.

[revvinguptheharley]

One of them yes!

There's also liking, lust, needing, feeling responsible for, and even hating!

[trimmedback]

Hate is... an attachment emotion.

[Her cheeks flush lightly.]

I was under the impression that it was felt for those who harm you.

[revvinguptheharley]

Well it can be yeah!

Or you can be like my Puddin' and Batman. Those two hate each other so much they can't stop thinking about each other. All day and all night it's all about the job. They've followed each other round the world, fighting and running and trying to kill each other.

And if one vanished, I dunno WHAT the other would do with himself.

[trimmedback]

Then what is the purpose behind their attempts at killing one another.

[Humans are weird.]

[revvinguptheharley]

Oh, we'll technically Bats isn't trying to kill my Puddin'. He just wants to lock him away forever and spoil all our fun.

But Mister J loves messin' with B-man. It's hilarious! Like that time he was tied to a train and sent into the bay? And Mister J says, he says "His caboose is cooked! He'll be conducting that train to join the Choir invisible!"

[she cackles, clearly enjoying the joke more then anyone should.]

Cuz like...conductor. Train. Choir. Ya get it?