[video]

[greatwork]

[So as the feed turns on, it won't show the person recording. Instead, it will pan over several rather detailed anatomical sketches of several Digimon- Gazimon and Tailmon, Greymon and Kimeramon, Devidramon and Damemon... It seems, after a while, like most of the Digimon inhabiting the city have been drawn here. Each of the sketches also has several notes attached, along the lines of 'strong bite' or 'heat ray from hands', or 'weak vision'.

Rather than turning the camera to show herself, Alex will just talk from off-screen]

So, since a certain fuckhead of a biologist dropped off the face of the Earth before he got me the information he was supposed to, I've been working on a project of my own. A Digimon encyclopedia of sorts, all known ones, their abilities and hopefully weaknesses if we know those, too. Spread the knowledge and give everyone a better chance to survive whatever bollocks shows up this time. Any information on Digimon capabilities would help, if you lot care to share it.

Though, I did notice something while I was doing these.

[She shuffles the papers around until several Digimon drawings are on top- Sakuyamon Miko Mode, Lilimon, Bastemon, Lotusmon, and Darcmon, specifically.]

I get that Digimon are apparently spawned from the data from the internet. That explains why most of them appear to have recognizable forms rather than being completely alien to us, I think, something like Gazimon could have been given form by data on canine form and behavior. There's also a bunch of cat-looking ones, and since most of human output is total shit, I think that explains the Damemon as well.

But why the hell are most of the humanoid Digimon I've seen so far all women, and on top of that, they all look like that? Tits and bikinis, the lot of them. Even Lilimon is an inch of skirt away from showing the world if Digimon get underwear data or not. Where, exactly, is this Digital World getting its data on humans from? Why the fuck is it so skewed right towards knockers the size of my head and wearing less than a street corner hooker? Is this place just getting its data on humans from adult sites, or have I just been extremely unfortunate in my encounters so far?

Comments

[greatwork]

... You're from the same place as Shepard?

[calibrates_big_guns]

[There's a brief look of 'Really? She never mentioned me?']

Yeah. Well, kind of, not from the same planet.

[greatwork]

Same timeline. Close enough.

Still, giant monsters does sound different from the worlds combining and being destroyed.

[calibrates_big_guns]

Giant looming threat on the horizon threatening to wipe everything out. Sounds close enough on that level.

I'm Garrus Vakarian by the way.

[greatwork]

... Seriously, even aliens have surnames now?

Alexandria.

[calibrates_big_guns]

Because humans are the only ones with family names.

[Sarcasm: Engaged.]

[greatwork]

Actually, most of us don't. It's usually reserved for people for whom lineage is actually a big deal. More to the point, I'm finding it a bit strange that an alien race would have independently evolved the same naming conventions as humans.

[calibrates_big_guns]

Hh, that's strange. I don't think I've actually met a human back home who doesn't have a last name.

If the name thing is weird, the asari will drive you crazy.

[greatwork]

Most of the humans I'm finding here do, too. Wondering if it's just another quirk of timelines.

Asari?

[calibrates_big_guns]

Probably.

One of the major races from back home. They're an all-female race, they look like blue humans with head crests, and they can reproduce with any species, including their own.

[Have fun trying to figure that one out.]

[greatwork]

[The information sinking in can be rather easily tracked by Alex's expression. First, it's vague disdain, then slow interest, then it begins to change into horror, and then eventually she just starts clutching at her head.]

But... That's... There's hundreds of thousands of reasons why that's... You can't just...

I take it back. Your universe is the one designed after porno.

[calibrates_big_guns]

[He enjoyed watching her brain break more than he probably should have.]

Human porn must be weird, because that's, ah, that's not like anything I've ever heard of.

[greatwork]

A race of all women who can reproduce with human men? Sounds like a basement-dwelling idiot's wet dream.

The more I think about it, the stupider it is. What the fuck is the point- They're aliens, what about biochemical problems? "Any" species? How the fuck- What sort of retard came up with that?! What the fuck is the point of reproducing with something outside your species, and anyway then it wouldn't be the same species, the best you could hope for is something like a mule, but even then--!

[It's questionable if she's even breathing at all while ranting.]

[calibrates_big_guns]

[Well he can't exactly argue with that, especially given some of the calls he had to deal with at C-Sec.]

Clearly I shouldn't have brought this up.

[greatwork]

No, it's fine, I simply need to burn your timeline to the ground.

[calibrates_big_guns]

Let's not and say we did. Weirdness aside, I'm just kind of fond of it.

[greatwork]

Okay, then I need to evacuate the women from it, at least, since they're clearly trapped in an idiot's wank-fodder.