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Well, that was a good way to break a newcomer in to how this place runs, hm?

[Yu is sitting on the couch of his apartment, Elecmon curled up sleeping next to him]

Raidou has been telling me a bit about how power levels work here. How this Lotusmon was a 'Mega' level, and so far only a few people can reach the level below it, 'Ultimate'.

I know I haven't been here long, I can't make assumptions about how things are done. But I'm worried. This city has no defense against her or any other powerful Digimon showing up again. I'm not sure the city can take that again. It's amazing that no one died.

I think... maybe we should talk about contingency plans.

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I'm not. [Or at least, he wasn't consciously trying to.] Really, I'm okay. All those hallucinations weren't...weren't real. So there wouldn't really be a point in going on about it like it was.

[At the end of the day Kayneth was probably dead and Caster's atelier was some bloodstained rubble back in Japan. Waver didn't want to dwell on what he'd seen and heard before Lucemon had appeared, but at the same time it wasn't as simple as 'it wasn't really there so it doesn't matter'.]

But if you did see them, they are real to you *now* in some form. You should take the time you need.

I'd rather not. There are better things to do than sit around feeling sorry for myself after...after all that.

Logically, maybe. But letting stuff fester only means you end up cutting the arm off later.

...So what would you suggest, in that case?

I can only talk in generalities, since I don't know what you saw. But I've seen what happens when people let things sit in the back of their minds instead of dealing with them.

Talking through it might help.

[Talk about it? How the hell could he even begin to approach talking about it? Kayneth, fine. Maybe he could discuss his former professor and how he'd threatened to kill him. But compared to what he'd seen rather than heard...Caster bothered him far more than a stuck-up aristocrat, no matter how much Waver despised the latter.]

Believe me, you wouldn't want to hear any of it.

Edited (WHOOPS.) 2013-09-16 23:24 (UTC)

Honestly, if I *wanted* hear the demons of others I'd be worried about my state of mind.

[he puts the D-T down on the table, leaning back and placing his chin in one hand]

But *willing* is another matter. But in the end it has to be something you want to do. I'm not here to bully you into anything.

[Waver set his own terminal down in front of him, leaving bandaged hands empty and fidgeting nervously with his crest. What if it wasn't any terrible thing to trust other people? Maybe he didn't have to bear everything on his own and just live with it. That was part of why Palmon kept trying to talk him into making friends, right?]

[He'd been able to confide in Mami and Hollyleaf, and it was hard to deny he might have felt better for doing so. In that case...]

There was...I guess I'll start with what I heard.

Back in the Clock Tower, I had this teacher; like all other magi, he subscribed to the common belief that a mage's strength is determined only by bloodline and nothing else. I worked for months on a thesis paper proposing the opposite--that even a lowblooded magus could be just as powerful as any other if they put forth the effort.

Needless to say, he dismissed it as worthless nonsense and made a complete laughingstock of me in front of the entire lecture hall. To make a long story short, I got so angry that I outright stole something important--the catalyst he was going to use to enter the Holy Grail War. That's how I came to summon Rider and get mixed up in all of that in the first place.

But...we ran into him again on one of the war's first nights. After everything he'd said to me--how much everyone had always just gone along with it, I hated him. I thought that could have been my chance for revenge, so I could show everyone what I could really do and make them acknowledge me.

[Waver sighed, folding his arms as though he might have preferred to just disappear into the floor or something.]

The whole thing was more serious than I expected. I underestimated the kind of society I had been in all along, and how easily magi could kill anyone that tried to oppose them. Kayneth threatened to and would have killed me if Rider hadn't been there, I don't doubt that for a second.

That was what I heard in that godforsaken place. 'Blood determines a mage's power'. 'Someone as mediocre as you only deserves to possess the calm and stable life of commoners'. 'You should be proud, I will pass the terror and pain of death onto you without any reservation.' '

It makes me sick. Just thinking about how stupid I was, how screwed up mage society is...I hate it. I hate all of it.

[Stopping suddenly, Waver seemed to remember he'd been speaking to someone instead of retelling matters to himself or Palmon, and he instantly wanted to backpedal.]

I--I'm sorry. I'm talking you to death or something, right? You really don't want to hear any of this.

Edited 2013-09-17 00:12 (UTC)

[Yu listens carefully, letting it all wash over him. It's funny: for all the extraordinary circumstances of it- magecraft, summoned heroes, ancient bloodlines... Waver's issues are oddly familiar to him. To any teenager. I want to prove myself special. I want to be worthwhile.

The rest just makes it 100% more complicated.]

I think... personally, that finding ourselves- either in the roles people want for us, or outside them, is the real bump in becoming adults. It does sounds stupid. And dangerous too. But ranking your worth by others is just asking for trouble in the long run.

It's not surprising, really, that you did something reckless.

That's just the kind of society it is. It's either you're a skilled magus or you're trash. That's it. It's stupid, monumentally stupid, but I can't-...

['I can't change it'. Was that really the case? Even though the aristocracy and highblooded magi were in charge and had been practically since the Clock Tower's creation, did that mean it would always be so?]

[Hadn't he just spoken of his thesis, the ideas on which he had been recklessly willing to stake his life? Hard work could match and even overcome bloodline. Waver wanted to show everyone he was right, to force them to accept his theories and believe him. What if...there were other ways to do that? And if there were, who would even try to change that archaic society if not Waver Velvet?]

[But...no, this wasn't the time to consider such radical notions. He raised a hand to his head and tried to file away those thoughts for later. If nothing else he wanted to finish this train of thought first.]

It...got worse. The Grail War in itself would have been enough to contend with, but there was--how can I really phrase this--an anomaly.

[Yu makes a small noise. An encouragement to continue]

This is going to sound crazy, but...since you probably have an idea of what kind of stuff I was involved in, you'll probably be able to believe me.

One of the other Servants--and, I assume, their Master--was a serial killer. Gilles de Rais, I'm pretty sure. Whatever warped logic Caster was working on, the war itself didn't seem all that important to him. One night we were following this trail of residual magic along the river, and we...found his workshop.

[Waver shuddered, crossing his arms to try and hide that he'd done so.]

It...wasn't pleasant. So of course that'd be what I saw in that stupid Dark Field, right?

[Yu winces- while he has dealt with killers, they were... clean killers. No mess no torture. From Waver's tone he can assume this was very much not the case.]

Makes sense that you saw that. The Dark Field seems to be like something I have back home. it tosses back at you what will hurt you most. Anyone seeing something like that would carry it in the darkest most blocked out parts of their heart.

I think I made a mistake, going in there at all.

Does it matter if it was? You did, and for a reason. All you can do now is deal with the aftermath.

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