[video]

[greatwork]

[The feed turns on, showing Alexandria slumped over in bed with her arm still heavily bandaged, fussing with her D-Terminal.]

No, god damn it, I wanted audio, not video.

Come on, it's not that hard.

If you haven't noticed, I'm down one arm and you don't have hands. Fuck it, this will work.

[She sighs and leans back, and actually starts addressing the terminal.]

So, my partner here and I have been talking. It turns out when she's not busy throwing a tantrum, she's actually pretty smart herself, and I've been getting information about how Digimon work from her. Their life cycle is actually pretty fascinating.

According to her, there are seven main stages of their life. Egg, Baby, Baby II, Child, Adult, Perfect, Ultimate. She also mentioned some sort of "legendary Super-Ultimate" that she'll turn into one day. I'm pretty sure this is about as valid as the little boys on the playground who say they know kung-fu-

Shut the hell up, I'll definitely make it!

-But I thought it was worth mentioning, just in case. The process that makes them advance a stage is called "evolution" (even though it's just a fucking metamorphosis, I'd like to get my hands on whoever fucking named this shit) and seems to require vast amounts of energy. As far as I can tell, these Digimon naturally store the energy as they live, and reach the next stage after having lived and battled. After reaching a stage, they stay there without regressing; We've got, for example, that Lilymon lady, who's supposed to be a Perfect level.

Which brings me to the important point: It looks like, so far, all of these so-called "chosen" Digimon are of the Child level, spontaneous pointless changes aside-

I told you that wasn't my fault!You humans are the ones responsible for our evolution, you must have screwed up!

-Ahem. My partner pointed out that it seems no "chosen" Digimon is of a higher level than the Child level, causing me to think that the temporary evolutions we allow them drain them of the energy they store to progress naturally. In other words, our "help" is actually hindering and actively stunting the growth and maturity of our Digimon. Temporary strength in exchange for prolonged weakness. It's possible our presence is actually harmful to our partners.

Or, that's just the current theory, I don't have enough information to confirm one way or the other. But I think it's something worth considering and investigating. If anyone else has anything relevant to add, I'd like to hear it.

Comments

[video]

[greatwork]

[It's amazing how much judgment can come across in a stare even over a video feed.]

Okay, if you make shit explode while trying to follow scientific method, you're banned from helping.

[video]

[chemistryinmotion]

No explosions, I promise! That experiment is in the past.

[video]

[greatwork]

Indulge me for a moment. What experiment was this?

[video]

[chemistryinmotion]

[ Oh, right, he keeps forgetting some of these people weren't around for his I'M TRYING TO BLOW MYSELF UP post. ]

Uh, the one where I blow myself up to get superpowers. Basically. For the record, doesn't work here. Just got myself a broken arm and a concussion.

[video]

[greatwork]

...

What.

[video]

[chemistryinmotion]

[ Here, have an unhelpful shrug. ]

... What? That's how it worked back home.

[video]

[greatwork]

And my world is the one people insult.

Why the bloody devilfucking christ would you think an explosion would give you any powers besides being dead?

[video]

[chemistryinmotion]

Well, okay, let me clarify: it wasn't the explosion exactly that gave me my powers. It was the chemicals and the lightning. That happen to explode when you mix them together. Haven't you ever heard of freak lab experiments giving people powers? It's how it happened to both my mentors.

[video]

[greatwork]

Then your mentors are both idiots, too. "Freak lab accidents" that end in explosions don't give people powers. Hell, there's only one way I know of to get superhuman powers and an explosion happening there would be worse than dying.

[video]

[chemistryinmotion]

... How does that make them idiots? It didn't happen to — okay, it didn't happen to the first Flash on purpose. That was the real freak accident, and then the second Flash tried to recreate that accident in a lab setting and it worked. Maybe this kinda thing doesn't work in your universe, but it does in mine.

[ It's all related to this thing called a metagene he has no idea about whoops. ]

[video]

[greatwork]

"Freak accidents" are a sign of improper safety procedures.

Recreating the accident you know is going to explode while not taking precautions to protect yourself from it is downright mental.

[video]

[chemistryinmotion]

Maybe so, but we still got superpowers out of it, which includes accelerated healing in the package of all things superspeed, so, you know, any injuries we sustained healed pretty fast. I'd say it was worth it.

[video]

[greatwork]

He still subjected himself to an explosion intentionally. And frankly, since super-speed sounds unlikely, it seems more likely to me that it just caused brain damage to skew your sense of time.

[video]

[chemistryinmotion]

Except not? I can run just under the speed of sound, and the Flash is way faster than me. I'd prove it, except, you know, no powers.

[greatwork]

A human moving that fast unprotected would have their skin and meat stripped from their bones by air resistance, and the resulting bloody mess would probably catch fire.

[chemistryinmotion]

[ SIGH ]

That's what we have specifically designed uniforms for.

[ except for the times when they don't. but that's where this whole thing called the ~speedforce~ comes in, which protects them from this sorta thing. but THEY DON'T KNOW THAT EXISTS if it even exists THE PRODUCER OF THE SHOW WAS REALLY VAGUE ABOUT THAT ]

[greatwork]

What the hell is that uniform made out of?

[chemistryinmotion]

... Kevlar?

[greatwork]

That shouldn't do anything, and even if it did, something strong enough to protect you should be rigid enough that you'd still get the same effects through the joints in the suit.

[chemistryinmotion]

Well, I've never had any problems even without the suit, so. I think our universes must operate differently, at least in regard to superhumans. I can't justify the mechanics of my universe with your universe's rules.

[greatwork]

First people say alchemy doesn't exist, now you're saying basic fucking physics don't work where you come from... At this fucking rate, I'm going to take up drinking.

[chemistryinmotion]

Well, no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying it doesn't apply to us. It's part of the whole superhuman thing. And I'm pretty sure our body chemistry was actually altered in the accident so we'd be able to withstand the use of our powers. Besides, I know people who can fly without the use of wings, create energy constructs just by willing them into being, shapeshift... My universe is pretty much about defying physics as much as possible.

[greatwork]

How is that different from them not working? The laws of the world are not opt-out!

[chemistryinmotion]

... They are for superheroes.

[ do not question comic book science ]

Look, I don't know why it works that way, it just does.

[greatwork]

Fucking-

... You know what? Fuck it. This entire place is fucking absurd, it's a world designed by stoned fucking clowns, by all rights the world should have simply come apart at the seams, and yet here we still are. Odds are that this is just a delusion, maybe a coma from one of those cockguzzling, shitmunching warlocks, but I won't get anywhere if I stay with that. I should accept the reality right in front of me for now, and that reality is this mess. I guess to deal with fucking stupid absurdities, you need a mindset used to being just as absurd.

Do you want to help, then?